He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize