would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
