So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize