Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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