I didn't shave. On purpose
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
only you would photoshop your dick
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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