he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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