The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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