he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
