so that wasnt chicken after all
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
