i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
