new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I puked a lego.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
