i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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