My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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