I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
