If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
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You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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