My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
