very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
