Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
