i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
