My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
