Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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