There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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