I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i think i have herpe
just one?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
