The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
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I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
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Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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