now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
