Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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