If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
