from now on my penis is your penis
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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