I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
