i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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