But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
