I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
