im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Bring me that man meat
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
