My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
