who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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