I'm gonna have a badass scar
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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