He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
