my phone needs a breathalizer
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
