I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall