don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
YAS. BRING CRAB.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS