I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
