I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
