I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
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Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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