Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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