This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize