Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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