god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.