i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
