my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
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if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
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Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.