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are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
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