she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
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Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
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Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special