Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
