How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
