Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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