you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
