Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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