by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
