if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
