Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
