I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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