I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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