I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
