i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
