I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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