Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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