there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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