I'm so fucking centered right now
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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