i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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